Reasons Why Starting is the Hardest Step…and what you can do.
Does this sound familiar?
The to-do list is sitting there, silently judging you. You have set time aside to get stuff done. But time is ticking away. And you’ve yet to start. Ok, you might have been scrolling on your phone. You might even have downed a cup of something. But those are not even vaguely related to what you want to achieve. And you know it. You need to get started. And it feels like you’re surgically attached to the chair or sofa or even the bed. So much to do. You know it’s all achievable, but it feels like walking up Everest.
The longer this lasts, the more stronger the self-judgemental messages will become. And what’s the best way to drown those messages? By scrolling some more. Or maybe reaching for something slightly stronger than tea.
Guess what? You’re not alone. Many others feel this way too. It’s stronger in ADHDers and Autistic, but all humans have experienced this.
The thing is - once you actually start, you know that you can then progress and get a few things ticked off the list.
So why is that first step so damn difficult??
Here’s an analogy. Think of the starter motor in a petrol car. It has one job to do. That job is to kick start the main engine in the car. That’s it. Once it has achieved that goal it sits there under the hood and happily recharges itself until the engine is switched off. The point is - the starter motor is quite different to the engine. It runs off the battery, not petrol. It rapidly draws a large chunk of energy to get the engine running and the fuel pumping. It’s highly specialised and its role is short-term. The main engine is there for the long haul. It runs off a completely different fuel supply and its job is to keep the car going.
In a way, people are the same. Starting is a different task to continuing. You need different tactics to just start yourself up than you do to continue, but sometimes it feels like its the same. And the overwhelm is paralysing.
Here’s the trick: stop scaring your starter motor into thinking it has to drive the vehicle for a long distance. It’s simply not doesn’t have the fuel or stamina for that. It would burn out quickly. But luckily, its job takes less than a few seconds. It just needs to provide your engine with a quick burst to start, and the main engine can take over.
Your starter motor needs an ignition. The ignition is telling it the one job it needs to do. Tell it: I can get up and …? Fill in the blank. What is the tiniest first step required? What simple task can you assign it to do? Turn on the lap top? Get into the shower? Pick up the pen? Pull up the blinds? Whatever it is, make it quick, easy and achievable.
The ignition is positive language such as I can. Your brain believes this because it believes what you tell it. Telling yourself how “useless” you are is like using the wrong key, because your brain will believe that too. Therefore it wont start.
So after you have turned the ignition on, performing that one small that step gives your main engine what it needs at this point. An action! A physical action is like the fuel pump for your nervous system. Once you start your nervous system is primed for more action.
It’s what the starter motor does. And then it’s no longer needed. The second step is much easier because the first step has paved the way. It has given your nervous system a boost. Momentum is there.
The take home message is that your brain gets propelled by your thoughts and actions, just like the engine gets turned on by the starter motor. Your starter motor just needs you to initiate ignition to commence. It starts with you telling it: “I can…” and letting the starter motor do its job.
And for those of us whose main engines have a limited range before things cone to a halt again…there are different strategies for that…but that’s a whole new blog post.
Copyright: Jo-Ann Spataro, June 2026
